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Lessons in self-care from Addictive Daughter

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As part of our self-care week, we were lucky to speak to Addictive Daughter. Made up of Joey Bradford and Persia Lawson, Addictive Daughter provides life coaching for our time, relevant and accessible. The girls are also the brains behind The Inner Fix, a revolutionary ‘self-help’ book, dishing out sound advice and spiritual guidance in a way that actually makes sense in the world we live in.

The Inner Fix made a huge impact on me when I read it last year, and the overall message I took from it was that you need to invest in your own physical and mental health in order to be your best for others.

With their advice on ‘Getting Addicted to the Good Stuff’ firmly in mind, who better to chat all things ‘self-care’ with.

 Persia Joey Sofa

What inspired you to set up Addictive Daughter?

Back in 2012 Joey and I, who had been friends since drama school, found ourselves dumped by our respective partners on the very same day. It was a wake-up call, and the catalyst for setting up addictive daughter. We were in what we see now as a quarter life crisis, partying too much while suffering low self-worth and living with a load of fear and uncertainty. When we looked around, we noticed that a lot of women we knew were going through exactly the same thing. And that is when we had the idea for the blog, talking about the way we were living and how to make a change.  We started to practice yoga more, did more meditation, and focused on the good stuff. Nothing external changed, but with the focus of the blog, we started to feel much more hopeful and inspired. And it seemed others felt the same, we were suddenly in demand and being asked to write a self-help book that was accessible and relevant to the women of our time. And that is when The Inner Fix was born!

What do you believe is the true ‘inner fix’?

More than anything it is about focusing on the inside. As powerful as social media can be, I find that it can also be quite limited in its view of wellness. I realised I felt bad that I was not meditating every day. Or on other occasions, it seemed to be all about the gym, or green juices. The true inner fix, is an inside job, you have to do what is right for you. So for me that is not comparing yourself to others, and always find what is the most compassionate, loving choice for yourself. If that is going to the gym then fine, but it’s also fine if you want to go for a long walk and then take some time for yourself. Above all, start a relationship with yourself and let your intuition guide you to what is right for you, accepting mistakes will be a part of it.

Are women worse than men when it comes to self-sabotage?

Yes. Women have the tendency to be perfectionists and over achievers. We won’t put ourselves forward for an opportunity unless we feel we have already achieved it. Whereas men are much more likely to give it a go. Women suffer more with self-doubt. Our upbringing also has a lot do to with it. I had an unstable childhood, so for a long time my relationships were all about the drama. It was all I knew. If things were going too well I would sabotage it because I didn’t understand it, or recognise it as a healthy relationship. This self-sabotaging spoke to my fear of commitment, if I pursued men who were unavailable, there was no risk of having to commit. When I met my current partner, I made a list, of all the reasons to be with him, and the reasons not to. When a friend pointed out that the reasons to leave were ego driven and superficial, I knew it was time to break the cycle.

What are your top tips for looking after your wellbeing?

Again, it is important to be gentle with yourself.  Find out what you need in that moment and follow your instinct. Of course self-love doesn’t mean a lack of discipline, and there will be times when you have to make choices to better yourself, but that needs to be your own version of better. Above all, we must try to enjoy life, that is why we are here, so practice self-acceptance and self-soothing. If you would not say it to a friend then don’t say it to yourself. Self-care is about being your own best friend.

What does your self-care regime look like?

I begin my day with five minutes of meditation and visualisation and then a 20-minute yoga video. This allows me to focus my intentions for the day and is a lovely ritual to begin my morning. I have also recently started a journal. In the morning I note down 3 things I am grateful for. I make these quite specific, so I don’t just say ‘ I am grateful for my boyfriend’ I note, I am grateful that he cooks for me, or the way he kisses me. I try to make these things I can really connect with, things I am genuinely thankful for. Sometimes it moves me to tears, such is the power of gratitude.  I also write down 3 affirmations that are specific to the day. What I am feeling that day, what do I want to channel. At the end of the day, I use my journal to note 3 learnings, what happened that day that I could improve on, and 3 things that happened that make me happy. I find that keeping a journal like this really makes me live each day, and value not only your time, but also yourself, all of which play a big part in true self-care.

What’s next for Addictive Daughter?

We love working together, the past few years have been such an intense period for both of us, so we are now taking some time to work on our own projects. My own relationship journey has led me to set up persialawson.com, a love coaching service while Joey is focusing on sharing self-love messages through her own Instagram feed @bradford_joanne. So we are both continuing to help people in our own ways.  We have also recently launched a Meditations Album, which will help with so much of what we have talked about here. They are short guided meditations that simply help you find that space in your day to look inward.

A huge thanks to Persia for talking to Our Edit, and you can learn more about her, and Joey over on addictivedaughter.com, and if you have not read The Inner Fix yet, then now is the time, you can down load free chapters of the book  theinnerfix.com – the meditation album can be reached on the homepage of addictivedaughter.com.We can’t recommend checking it out highly enough.

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